Thursday, December 1, 1994

Hello guys thanx for your last responses on my last novel, im writing a new 1 tell me your thoughts :) cheers?

its parts of 1st chapter thank u have a drink and snack while u read
By now it was eight o clock, paparazzi were outside the queens park palace waiting for Lewis Carters to arrive at the conference. He would often do this to build suspense in the atmosphere and get all the people from his home town, Brooklyn, to cheer him on when he got there. James Husky was already in the building., he was Lewis Carters opponent and is the heavy weight champion. He has been fighting professional for 25 years and has been undefeated since he had the belt- he has had eight fights since he had had won the title and has either knocked his opponents out within the first two rounds or they have got so hurt in the fight from his deadly combinations of punches that the coaches and trainers have thrown in the towel. It was going to be the best fight since Muhammad Ali and Joe Frasier fought it out in the famous fight known commonly as the thrilla in manila. Husky was a fairly tall man with a muscular build, he had a very quick reacting mind in the ring, he was a powerful puncher and the unordinary thing about him is that he can fight either orthodox or southpaw stance in the ring. He was given the nickname James the power man Husky after knocking Fredson juniour out in the 2nd round with a lethal uppercut which knocked one of fredsons moulders out of his mouth blood was all over the ring and it was classed to be one of the most memorable fights in history. What made it unordinary was this was when he was in the cruiser weight and the power of the punch was the equivalent of Geroge Foremans awesome hooks.. James always stay focused on the aim of the fight which is to win and that integrity and spirit has won him most of his fights. A characteristic which made him stand outside the ring was that he was very crotchety this was also the case after his fights and in public. Whenever he was victorious over one of his fights he would always end up yelling at a bewildered reporter who he would end up either pushing onto the floor. Even though he was like this, it was what made him entertaining to watch and he is known to have one of the most amazing attitudes to live. In the conference room Husky was wearing an black swage suit with a black striped **** and blue aqua coloured tie, he was sitting in there patiently waiting for the conference to progress.
While James Husky was inside sitting on lined table on the right side of the room sipping his glass of squeezed lemon, loud chaotic noises were coming from outside. Outside was a large Grey gold plated 550 Ferrari Maranello. It had top of the rand platinum rims everyone in the neighbourhood could hear its engine roaring whilst pouncing foward , it was being blocked by a crowd and the car was unable to move forward so it pulled to the side of the curve and stopped. The passengers door was opened and Bobby Norton approached onto the road. Bobby Norton was Lewis Carters promoter and had been his promoter for years. He was experienced at what he did and was also a promoter of other great fighters like Ben Gills Olympic silver medallist in welter weight and also Benvollio Dulcet heavy weight champion from 1997 to 1998 however he was less popular when he was defeated by “James the power man Husky” in 1998. Norton was a very popular man also known for when he used to be a entrepreneur for many successful training businesses located all over the States and Europe however he gave all his businesses to his oldest son Thomas Norton mainly due to being so busy in his promoting work. On the other hand nobody really cared about his career professions just cared about him being a good looking multi millionaire mainly because of the many privatized companies that he owns. Which could be anything leisure companies, electronics or even a broad way drug racket for a mob living in little Italy but who knows nobody really tried to get on his bad side in public and in the media, due to the several people who have crossed him in their lives have received extra attention from his body guards which isn’t a pretty site.
Ferraris back seat couldn’t be seen through because of the tinted windows. Suddenly the doors opened and Jerry Carters came out of the back seat , Jerry was Lewis’s uncle and trainer. Five years he has been training Lewis to become the ultimate boxing fighter, Lewis used to be trained by his father ,Carl Carters, however he was killed whilst locking up the gym on a week night. He was stabbed retentively in
the back while locking the gyms front doors.
Even though Lewis lost his father at such a important part in his life their dream was to make Lewis become heavyweight champion by the time he reached his Forties. Lewis knew he was undefeated for five fights in a row when his father was killed. It somehow struck him in his mind that whoever killed his father wanted him dead to stop Lewis achieving his potential. He knew it and so did his uncle Jerry and he was determined to become the worlds most magnificent fighter in the states. Local media stations have been announcing the fight for weeks knowing it will be great, this fight is what Lewis has been waiting for with Forty wins and zero losses. Every time he trained in the gym his father was last seen, every time he goes for jogs he thinks he would never of got were he is if his father didn’t inspire him. So the least he could do I share the dream with his father in the after world to become undisputed heavy weight champion “ Carter the king of aces” he was given this name by his mother when he was only nine years of age because he was acing every completion he went to. The fight will be Huskys hardest challenge and it will be a incredible bout between the two but disputes have been argued saying Carter will knock Husky out in the first round because of his great speed, power and confident personality. Lewis climbed out of the car with a black suit on with a red shirt without a tie. The roaring was incredible all his fans were putting there hands out but he just walked forward not showing just a few respect he believed is you shake one mans hand ,you, should shake every ones. 'Hearing a commotion outside, Husky stood up and strode to the window. Looking down onto the sidewalk, he caught a glance of his fight opponent entering the building. 'Fool,' Husky thought to himself with a nasty smile as he ambled back to the brown leather chair, 'Going to knock him out in one go.'
Menacingly Lewis walked through the brown, oak doors and walked through the lounge which had some newspapers photographers. Willingly to take pictures they snapped away but he ignored every flash . Walking into the main conference room. Shockingly he ran up towards Husky and got ready to throw a hook while Husky was sitting off guard. With quick reactions Husky moved out of the way pushing the chair over and causing a load sensational sound of cold leather touching the limestone floor.

Answer on Hello guys thanx for your last responses on my last novel, im writing a new 1 tell me your thoughts :) cheers?

ok i'll be honest with you
it was pretty good but very amatuer
like a kid wrote you (which you might be, i don't know)
but you started off clearly giving away so much information about the character that it feels like "what's the point of reading if we know everything already"
it's something many people make the mistake of doing, by attempting to familiarize the readers with the characters, but only one story has a definite begining and end, and that's one's full life story. since this is definately not starting with the character's birth, you might not want to start it off so formally.
other than that, your plot is pretty good, and you know how to set an image in readers' minds. Keep working on it and good luck!