Friday, May 2, 2008

What do you think of this first page?

What do you think of the characters, Sarah and the narrator? Does the story pull you in, or is it boring? Either way, why do you feel the way you do about it? Please critique anything about it you want. Thanks!


Sarah said she could predict the future, but she never won the lottery so I didn't believe her.

"It doesn't work that way," she tried to tell me, on a clear, cold night we'd crawled onto the roof to watch the stars and be away from the rest of her family. "There are variables and inevitables, and the lottery is a variable. I can only predict the inevitables."

"Give me an example of an inevitable then," I said.


I laughed. "Right. Because my mom couldn't possibly have gotten pregnant with a different sperm at a different time. It was completely inevitable that I was conceived exactly the moment I was, the way I was, to become who I am now."

"That's not what I mean," she said. "I mean, you being here. It was inevitable from the moment you met me. You didn't know it yet, but I did. I could see the future in your eyes."

I started to understand, even if I wouldn't yet admit it. She wasn't a psychic in the fantastic sense I had in mind, she was just perceptive -- but she deserved credit for realizing they meant nearly the same thing.

"Fair enough," I said. "But the real question is can you still?"

She smiled, looking over at me. "That's a variable at this point," she said.

I looked down at my hands. I wanted a future as clear as my past, some direction to be pushed in. I wanted her to tell me what was going to happen to me -- even something completely impossible. I wanted to know I was going to die or invent a new emotion or fall in love.

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see," she said.

How many times had I heard those words in my life? Enough that if I never heard them again I'd be more than alright. Enough that at the very mention a thousand unwelcome memories poured through my mind, none of them worth anything but forgetting.

"I don't want to wait," I decided then.

"I don't think it's really an option not to," she laughed.

"It is if you make things happen instead of waiting for them to." Even then I wasn't sure where the thought came from, but it struck me as so true it was physical; an awareness I could feel in my chest and my throat, begging for an action to prove itself.

She was quiet for a moment.

"And what will you make happen?" she asked.

And I didn't know, but for some reason I couldn't make myself say it. "I'm going to make the world love me," I told her, making it up as I went. "I'm going to make everyone love me, and then I'm going to disappear."

She laughed, no doubt disbelieving my words.

"I'd sooner predict you'd fall in love with my brother," she said.

But as it turned out, that was going to happen, too.

Answer on What do you think of this first page?

I like it, good first page :)